One Way to Save On Groceries You Won't Find Anywhere Else

Last week, the dog groomer suggested that I upgrade to a higher quality dog food to make Piranha Puss’s coat softer and silkier. So, I spent twenty-five dollars on dog food instead of the usual fifteen.
Upon seeing the receipt for the dog food and grooming, for which I had paid an extra ten dollars for the groomer not to shave Piranha Puss’s butt, my husband declared that we were going to lose the house and end up living in a box down by the river. Considering that the hour before he had spent several hundred dollars on lumber to build an observation deck in the back yard for his telescope, I concluded that we were safe in our four-bedroom home for at least a few more months, unless he was building that observation deck for the bank.

Like the rest of the country, I am always looking for ways to save money. Granted, it is more out of a desire to make Jack shut up about how much I spend than to accumulate a nest egg for retirement. According to Nostradamus, the Mayans, and the Discovery Channel; the world is going to end in 2012, in which case I won’t be around for retirement anyway. Jack calls this rationalization: I am seeking the path of least resistance, to which I reply, “Do you have a problem with that?”
Here’s a money saving tip that I am considering:
According to Answers.com, the average family of four spends $600 a month on groceries. With a dog, they spend an extra $20. After careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that there are much better areas to put our time, effort, and money.
Think about it. Is grocery shopping really worth all those hundreds of dollars a month?
First, there is the getting in the car, going to the grocery store, finding the items for which you have coupons, and then rewriting your shopping list while in the store after giving up on finding these couponed items. Then, after the paramedics revive your heart when you found out how much those item you had listed on that yellow sitckie cost, you get to haul it all home. Why does John Tesh always wait until the trip home to give me all those tips for saving on groceries?
At home, there is the futile hunt for family members to help unload the car. For me, it is still a toss-up about if finding someone to help unload is really a good thing. If I am able to find someone to whom I am related then I get to go through the ordeal of convincing them that 1) I am really serious about sending them off to boarding school if they don’t help me, or 2) that the meals at boarding school are not going to be any better than my home cooking. I have found it quieter and more peaceful unloading the car without any help.
Though there was that one time that a nice young man sitting in his car across the street offered to help me bring in the groceries. While carrying in one bag of groceries after another and helping me put them away, we had a pleasant conversation about the neighborhood, and the neighbors’ comings and goings. Of course, he ended up being a cat burglar casing the house next door, but I thought he was quite helpful.
Next comes the painful part: Deciding what to cook for dinner?
This is about the time I discover that my grocery list wasn’t quite complete. Yes, I do plan what I am going to cook over the course of the week. Yet, in my effort to give my husband a false sense of comfort that I won’t go over his unrealistic grocery budget, I take stuff off. Unfortunately, when it comes time to start cooking, I realize that I needed that stuff in order to make the meals I had planned for that week’s menu.
One hour after grocery shopping, I am scrambling to find something to cook for dinner. After I find that something, then it is time to start cooking to the sweet sound of whining: “Do we have to eat that? Why can’t we order a pizza?”
After twenty-minutes to an hour in the kitchen, we have the setting of the table; the force feeding of vegetables to the children, which borders on child cruelty according to my son; the clearing of the table; and the cleaning of the kitchen. Within seconds of turning off the light and retiring to the living room, my kitchen will suddenly be under attack by a starving kid who bears a striking resemblance to the one who sat next to me at the dinner table swearing that he couldn’t eat a bite because his stomach was so full from lunch.
Which brings us back to my original question: Is all this fun worth the hundreds of dollars your family spends on groceries every month? Of course, there is this whole starving-to-death issue for people who give up eating. So what do you do?
Well, many parts of the forest are edible and road kill is free.